Oh, Shit! 15 Things Other Than Poop That Have Ended Up in the Toilet by the Hands of My Toddler

When it comes to parenthood, one of the core milestones that parents think of is walking, (if you’re all into tracking your child’s milestones). Second thing that comes to mind is clearly all of the crap that needs baby proofed around the house. I wanted my house to be like a fortress, with cabinet doors, closets, front door, back door, more like EVERY door sealed closed, only for the parents to be able to access when needed. I was determined for it to be this way, not only for my child’s safety, but for the safety of all of our things.

Often times when we envision these sorts of things, it rarely ends up the way that we want it. It usually kind of works out, but our babies manage to get into things regardless of if it is so-called “baby proofed” or not. When my little guy started walking, I was so proud, (and still am), of all of the wondrous things that he manages to do every day. The one thing that I didn’t think about was that he would be able to get into everything, despite “baby proofing”. At 15 months old, he had discovered the toilet. That’s were my baby proofing went to shit… literately.

I had been blow drying my hair. Baby Beau, (I guess now I could call him a tiny toddler), was playing with the remote that goes to our television. It had never been a problem before and everything was baby proofed in the bathroom. Well, today it became a problem. After looking away for twenty seconds to finish blow-drying my hair, I glanced over at an empty-handed, smiling toddler. He had enough time to somehow hack into the baby lock on the toilet seat lid and throw the remote into the toilet, after in which he promptly closed the lid. After fishing the remote out of the toilet, I took the batteries out and attempted to air out the remote. Let me tell you, no amount of rice could fix that remote after that. Thank goodness there’s an app that can be a remote for our TV.

Thus, began my son’s obsession with throwing things in the toilet. No amount of baby-proofing could fix it, not even baby gating the bathroom off. Yes, my friends, he’s figured out how to work that too.

Interested in other things that have gone into the toilet by the hands of my curious, little boy, (besides the norm)? Check out the list below.

  1. Roku remote
  2. Hair dryer
  3. Hair brush
  4. iPhone
  5. Every family member’s toothbrush
  6. His Little People racecar, (and yes, it proceeded to sing its annoying tune, even underwater)
  7. An entire bottle of shampoo, (he squeezed it out into the toilet, then threw the empty bottle in there as well)
  8. Seven rolls of toilet paper
  9. Two  dog leashes
  10. I Love You Through and Through, (his favorite bedtime story and I guess it was a good thing that we received two copies of it)
  11. Three pads, two tampons, and his “big boy” potty lid
  12. A tambourine and one drumstick
  13. Four pairs of socks
  14. My husband’s electric razor, (it wasn’t sharp, but if he would have turned it on instead and shaven his head I think it would have been more devastating)
  15. A bar of soap and proceeded to clap as it disintegrated

And yes, I was in close proximity when he plotted these acts and threw these things down the crapper. Even though these things were completely harmless to Beau, I was standing not even a foot away from him, (but he managed to do it so fast when I just had my head turned for a quick second), not everything was ruined, and he got a kick out of doing it, the “everything needs to go in the toilet” habit is one thing that needs to get flushed out of his system.

Is your child making a list of his or her own? Tell me your funny baby proofing stories by emailing them to thefivestarlinglife@gmail.com!

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